In SVU News

Dear blog, today I discovered something that SHOCKED and AMAZED me.

I discovered that MARISKA HARGITAY has her own WEBSITE!!!!!!  Alright, so I know it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a celebrity like Mariska Hargitay probably has her own website, but honestly, I had NEVER even THOUGHT ABOUT IT!!!!  It's www.mariska.com.  Which is kind of AMAZING in its own right, because it's proof that Mariska is one of those ONE NAME STARS like CELINE, CHER, or BARBRA.  Speaking of which, WHY IS MY MOTHER FORCING ME TO GO TO SEE "CELINE: THROUGH THE EYES OF THE WORLD" TOMORROW????  URRRRRGH.  My EVIL MOTHER is like GUILTING me into going with her since her  birthday is on Monday.  DOUBLE URRRRGH.  But I digress.  So Mariska is like "just MARISKA."  And strangely, on the homepage, there is a cartoon of Mariska WATERING A BABY.  I'm still mulling over the significance of MARISKA WATERING A BABY and will get back to you.  Hmmm... growing baby... wet baby...  babies as plants... babies as CACTUS...  

FURTHER PROOF THAT THE MESSIAH WILL RETURN TO EARTH IN THE FORM OF A CACTUS (as if you needed any):

 OH, and I also discovered that if you send Mariska a self-addressed stamped envelope she will send you an AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE!!!!!!!  So of course you can guess what I spent my Saturday doing.  That's right--LICKING STAMPS!!!  Muahhahahah.

I want one JUST LIKE THIS:

Except of course to say "Craig" instead of "Brandon."  By the way, I stole this picture from an artist named Brandon Bird's website.  And I must say that he is TOTALLY AMAZING.  I think he might like Law & Order EVEN MORE THAN I DO.  He even creates SVU Valentine's Day cards for purchase.  To which I say, WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SEND ME ANY OF THESE TWO WEEKS AGO?

 

FUCK YOU ALL.

xoxo

Craig

PPS  I won my ebay auction!  (the one I was complaining about in my VLOG 2)  MUAHHAHAHAH

PPPS  I LOVE TAMARA TUNIE.  She's almost as amazing as Mariska.
PPPPS  OMG.  IF MARISKA IS WATERING THE MESSIAH, DOES THAT MAKE HER THE VIRGIN MARY??????????  Or maybe like the HOLY GRAIL in the Da Vinci Code sense of the phrase.  OMG.  Is MARISKA the HOLY GRAIL???????