The Single Gay Guy Keeping a Sex Diary to Prove that those NY Mag Sex Diaries are Retarded: DAY TWO

8:30 AM
Wake up and DON’T want to go to work. Ugh.

8:45 AM
Throw on my glasses and magick cheetah scarf and leave the house. You know I’m in FML mode if I’m wearing my glasses.

9:15 AM
Get to work. Lots of people were checking me out on the subway and sidewalk. Thought that perhaps in my ultra-disheveled state I looked extra sexy, but then realized that it was because I was wearing a ridiculous magickal purple and orange scarf with a cheetah on it.

10:30 AM
At work. On strike again today. Remember I have to pay a $150 bill for blood work I had in April that is now 90 days past due. URGH. Why doesn’t insurance cover HIV TESTS??? Why did I ever agree to that threesome in Queens on the way back from Fire Island last labor day?????? Apparently $150 is the thanks I get for being responsible with regards to my irresponsibility. I pay the bill over the phone.

12:40 PM
Have spent the last two hours reading Missed Connections, Misc. Romance, and Free Stuff on Craigslist (it’s MY LIST!). The only Missed Connec that came close was for someone standing on Stanton in baggy grey shorts on Sunday. Unfortunately, don’t think they mistook my ultra-short hot pants for baggy grey shorts. Find an ad in Free Stuff for a “Free Singles Beer Tour” on Saturday. Yessss… FREE BEER! Email promoter for details.

12:43 PM
Receive the following response, “this is for single people age range 25-45. Should be a nice day and we will have mostly women on the trip so hope you will come along!” Whoops, guess I forgot to mention that I was a gay guy in search of free beer. I imagine being chased out of the Brooklyn Brewery by a bunch of desperate Sex & the City-ish types flinging high heels at my head. Reply that I will not be able to attend due to a time conflict.

3:00 PM
Read the stupid NY Magazine sex diary. It’s about some stoopid gay that’s like a commodities broker and has way too much sex for his own good. He complains that he can’t understand why he doesn’t have a boyfriend because he’s 28 and he’s already been out for TWO WHOLE FUCKING YEARS. I’ve been out for the last EIGHT YEARS and I don’t have a FUCKING BOYFRIEND. Wish to reach through the Internet and strangle stupid gay, but realize that he probably doesn’t exist and is some product of the online NY Magazine editor’s sick imaginations. Decide to keep my own sex diary.

4:00 PM
Realize I have to actually do some work at work. Fuck.

7:00 PM
Leave work. URRRGH. I really should have done some work during the day.

7:30 PM
Meet friend for dinner at Saigon Grill on University. Why am I recently obsessed with BUN XIAO???? Also wondering if it is safe to eat at Saigon Grill again. The Wicca religion wouldn’t appreciate me patronizing a restaurant that doesn’t pay its employees fair wages. Although, must admit the Bun Xiao is delicious.

8:35 PM
Leaving dinner. Receive a text from boy I met Pride Weekend. It appears that he read my blog and is text flirting with me so as to appear on tomorrow’s edition of the sex diary. It works and here he is. (So meta, right?)

10:04 PM
Text flirting ends and I fall asleep soon after realizing that tonight’s episode of Law & Order: SVU is a rerun starring Carol Burnett and the murderer from Scream that I have already seen. Hope to dream of Mariska fighting NYC baddies Xena-style, using a Chakram instead of a Beretta.